Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

I've been robbed. Plain and simple. I was promised Jake Gyllenhaal in all his shirtless glory and plenty of it and have been really let down. I'm considering writing to Disney to let them know,"what Valerie Thinks" of that! But before I do, let me expound on not only the villainous marketing swindle but my other thoughts on Disney's Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.

One of my favorite action/fantasy movies of all time is The Mummy. I think The Mummy achieved a perfect  combination of strong performances, amazing and (at times funny) action and impressive production design. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time tries to recreate this type of experience for the movie-goer so let's look at it in terms of those very criteria.

You really don't need to know the story, but if you're a stickler,  here's a quick summary of plot:
"Set in the mystical lands of Persia, a rogue prince and a mysterious princess race against dark forces to safeguard an ancient dagger capable of releasing the Sands of Time -- a gift from the gods that can reverse time and allow its possessor to rule the world." That brief synopsis is from IMDB. And yep, that's exactly what I would've written if I could've been bothered.

The Persian Prince is actually a white, protestant boy from California?
Isn't Jake Gyllenhaal a sweetie and a hottie? But he was only shirtless for maybe 30 seconds (in a scene that looked similar to Robert Downey Jr's boxing scene in Sherlock Holmes). Then the scene was over and he remained mostly covered for the remainder of the film. I kept waiting for him to show skin, that's what the marketing blitz led me to believe. But it was lies, lies I tell you! But I guess if you're as fair as he is, you have to stay covered so as not to get 3rd degree sunburns. More on his skin color below...

As hot and fit as he is, can Jake pull off a big action film? Yeah, I know, he was in The Day After Tomorrow but he wasn't the action star in that one. I can't fault his performance really, his "kinda British" accent wasn't too cringe-worthy, he showed emotion, he had a twinkle in his eye. But forgive me for racial profiling, but is blue-eyed Jake, who is as pale as I am (and I'm so white I'm almost blue) really the best casting choice for a Prince of Persia? Let me repeat that: PERSIA? We meet his character as a little streetwise orphan in the markets and he looks like he should be fishing on the lakes of Minnesota, he's so all american-looking. Was there no other Hollywood A-lister who would've been a better fit? So despite Jake's best efforts, I found he so ridiculously stuck out in this film set across the Middle East, that it was distracting.

I dug all the other performances. Ben Kingsley and Alfred Molina both shone in their roles and look surprisingly good with all that dark eyeliner (I do like the smokey-eye look). Gemma Aterton (who I saw on Friday Night with Jonathon Ross, and she was as dull as dishwater) did a good job as Princess Tamina, probably because she was almost a carbon-copy of Evie in The Mummy. If my eyes had been closed, I would've guessed it was Rachel Weisz.

 (Comical relief courtesy of Alfred Molina as "Sheik Amar", who does NOT believe in taxation!)

Bounce, Fervor & Zest (all synonyms of "action" 'cuz I get bored easily):
Yep, this movie has a lot of action. And it's good. While there is one big battle when the Princes (yes, there's more than one!) invade another kingdom, I preferred the less grand action scenes the most. Impressive hand to hand fighting, swords, throwing daggers and MacGyver type tricks. Also very good. There was some dark magic dudes with their snakes and I've never seen a "snake fighting action scene" before and that was quite exciting and obviously done with excellent special effects. The other major special effects feature was when someone used the dagger to turn back the sands of time, but then it was kind of the same effect each time (as it would be, at least that makes sense), but it lost its thrill after the first time for me.

What it all looks like - otherwise known as "Production Design":
Seeing as this is based on a video game, I suppose Disney already had a template for what this movie should look like. In the wide shots of these amazing kingdoms and desert landscape, they do an effective job. And actually even in the scenes in bazaars, in the Ostrich market (that was pretty funny) and palaces, there was certainly a rich and detailed production quality. That was juxtaposed with scenes where the backdrop was so obviously fake, the colors in the foreground and background didn't match, lighting differed and I was transported from the fantasy back to my chair at the cinema, rolling my eyes thinking, "Did they not see that in the editing room?"

Some of the art was cool, very Lord of the Rings/The Mummy-esque

Rotten Tomatoes gives it an aggregate 57% approval rating. And I think that's just about right, though I might have pushed mine to 60% (but then if it was just me, it'd hardly be "aggregate" which is a cool sounding word).I wouldn't say it's a fun movie but it adequately delivers. I did find myself wondering how it would end, which is always a good sign, better that than wondering when will it end!

To view the trailer, click HERE. 

I think...it simply doesn't deliver the way The Mummy does but it's still a decent movie with enough to keep most movie-goers entertained for the 116 minute running time. And someone get Jake some SPF 50 please, dude is gonna go crisp in that sun!

Images courtesy of:
http://www.flylip.com/news/images
http://www.filmofilia.com/
http://images.fanpop.com
http://ps3thevolution.com/
http://www.disneydreaming.com
http://www.aceshowbiz.com.

See you on Twitter! @whatvalthinks.
.